Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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