Rock
Scissors
Fuck
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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