Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
