We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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