i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
