Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i came on her dog
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
