I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
