he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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