Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
