I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
