Where are you?
In a non slutty way
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
