so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
