On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
