Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
