you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
