I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
