Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
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