I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
