He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
