I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
