why do cheetos always look like penises
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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