you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
