What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
