I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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