Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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