I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
