I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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