On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
