i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
of course. lets lasso hookers.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
