you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
