Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
