I met the friendliest cop last night
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
