Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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