I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
she peed on how many people?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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