Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
