It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
