Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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