if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
