I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
