I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
