i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
