He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Randomize
