How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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