My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
