my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
