I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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