she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
