she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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