Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
