I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
