for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
