My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
