You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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