she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
