Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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