Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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