My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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