Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
