I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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