ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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