I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
