Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Randomize
