We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
