I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
