I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
i think i just naturally attract stoners
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize