No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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