Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
