My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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