How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
