am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I need water and some morals
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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