he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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