I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
