I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
love makes seman taste better
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
