That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
