My sheets look like a crime scene.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
