I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
